About difficult emotions and worry

Common emotions

Introduction: emotions

Emotions have been studied and described in different ways in scientific the literature (e.g. Ekman 1992, Russell 1980, Feldman Barrett 2018) and they can be categorised in different ways, but the information that normal emotions provide us with and that many people can recognise are described here.

Fear signals to us that we are faced with a threat, either physically or mentally. The fear reaction helps to focus our attention on that threat and makes us prepared to escape it. To avoid the threat, we might want to escape the situation, but we may also react by "freezing" and doing nothing, in other words almost play dead.

Anger is something we feel when we face a threat or an obstacle when we attempt to achieve something that is important to us. When we are angry, we might feel tense, our jaws may clench and the muscles in our body tense up. The anger might be perceived a very powerful force that makes us want to act quickly and strongly.

Sadness is what we feel when we lose something or someone that was important to us, or when something we wished for did not happen (can be called disappointment). When we feel sad and disappointed, we may feel heavy and tired and have no desire to do anything, our facial expressions decrease and we lower our gaze.

Disgust and loathing. Disgust signals that something is poisonous or harmful to be near, eat or touch. When we feel disgust it invokes strong physiological reactions in us, for example nausea and a strong resistance to approach whatever has awoken this feeling in us. Loathing is similar to disgust but does perhaps not evoke such a strong bodily reaction and is awakened when we face people or situations that we dislike very much.

Guilt and shame are social emotions and are often awakened in relation to other people. Guilt signals to us that we have done something wrong and acted against our own values. Shame instead signals to us that have done something against the norms of our social group, that we have acted in a way that puts us at risk of being judged by others. Guilt and shame can lead to highly negative and critical thoughts about ourselves, and might make us want to distance ourselves or hide what we have done from other people.

Happiness and other positive emotions such as love, curiosity and satisfaction signals to us that something is pleasant and what we want more of it. These emotions motivate us to involve ourselves with the outside world and encourage creativity and exploration. These emotions can make it easier to try new things and activities.

These are all normal emotional reactions, but it is important to point out that emotions are complex. Modern research shows that people most often experience several emotions at the same time, and that we are all different in terms of how strongly and for how long we experience emotional reactions (Larsen, McGraw & Cacioppo, 2001, Hamann & Canli, 2004).

Coping with difficult emotions

Introduction: Coping with difficult emotions

Emotions consist of a combination of inherent and learnt reactions and are also affected by behaviours and thoughts. We cannot "switch off" our emotions, but we can use different ways to affect them and learn how to handle them in ways that turn our emotions into resources rather than obstacles.

Becoming more aware of our feelings is an important step towards learning to understand the information our feelings are trying to convey to us and to choose how we want to act on them, and the earlier we notice our feelings and are able to understand them, the easier it gets to choose how to act on them.

Sometimes our emotions can be difficult to handle, and we can experience that anger, sadness or shame takes over. It may feel very unpleasant and the feeling itself sometimes scares us. In many cases however, difficult feelings pass on their own if we don't resist them so much. Below we describe three things that you can try when dealing with difficult emotions, if you feel like you gets stuck in them.

Tips: Coping with difficult emotions

Notice emotions. Stop for a second and try to notice what you are feeling at this moment. Can you identify what you are feeling? Is the feeling strong or weak? How does your body feel? What do you think the feeling is trying to tell you about the situation you are in?

Validate the feeling. To validate the feeling means to take on the perspective that all feelings, even the painful ones, are understandable and reasonable. We often get angry at ourselves or fight against difficult emotions, but there is a reason for why we feel the way we do. For example, telling yourself that it is understandable to be nervous before an exam, or that it is reasonable to be sad when you have experienced a loss, can make the feeling easier to live with, even when the feeling in itself is painful.

Decrease vulnerability. By taking care of yourself you make it easier to handle difficult emotions. You don't have to live a "perfect life" in terms of sleep, exercise, or diet, but you can take small steps to help your psychological and biological system to cope with what is happening in your life (Sahlin & Malmquist, 2018). You can use the advice on this page to take care of yourself and decrease your vulnerability.

Do you need more help?

Are you experiencing highly difficult emotions that are not passing with time? You may feel depressed or very anxious and notice that it is having a negative effect on your life. In this case, it might be wise to seek treatment. You can for example contact your local healthcare clinic.